People are STUPID.

ya know, i love it how people expect you to act like everything is okay when it really isnt.and incase you didnt notice, THAT was sarcasm. if i knew why people expected other people to do that when something is going on on the D.L., i would be a very rich person right now. but honestly, im not rich, so i apparently DONT know why people expect other people to act like there is nothing going on whatsoever.it baffles me. i especially hate it when the thing that is going on is something that would be really hard to hide sooner or later.and its also sort of in the process of ripping your family apart at the seams.okay, so maybe my problems arent ripping my family apart, but they are causing alot of yelling that i am sick of hearing. its nothing that i have done, but i'm still sick of being the innocent bystander that has to listen to the carnage. it's like watching a car wreck in process. a really gnarly car wreck. its not something you want to watch and then have to hold it inside and be like "car wreck? what car wreck? i dont know what youre talking about". it will drive you insane. some days you will forget about it, until you hear about it again, then it comes back and makes you have a bad day. its something you want to forget about, and for a while you manage to, but then something happens and the whole issue gets ripped wide open again, it causes some kind of disturbance, and you have to stand by and listen to it while its going on inside the house that you are living in, and you get so upset by it that you start crying for no apparent reason, and when you catch yourself crying, you realize that you are doing it and then you start crying harder because you realize that you were crying for reasons that arent yours in the first place, and it just leads to a whole snowball effect type of bad day. on those days, it could be the littlest thing that sets you off, and then you take it out on the people that you really care about, and it just gets so out of hand that someone finally realizes that something is going on but they dont want to ask you about it for fear of setting you off again, and then there is this void between you and the people you care about and it all has to do with these problems that arent even yours but they became yours when you found out what the heck was going on in your family in the first place and you were asked not to say anything. and then when people outside of your family start finding out about the problem and start asking you about it, you have to act like nothing is going on, and act like you dont know and that what the person is saying to you is news to you too, and it all just comes back around to the thing that upset you in the first place. and then you get mad because you are lying to your friends about something and that is something you swore not to do anymore, but you have to because you have to keep some stupid family secret and it rips your brain APART.
*takes a deep breath*
okay.
im good now.
i hope.
and now, its time to sit back, in boredom, with a glass of grape kool-aid.
peace out
KayTay