I Wish...

Life were like a book. That you could read things and take them at face value. I wish that things were just straight forward. I wish that I wouldn't have to think about things. I wish life were simple. I wish I were a little kid again. That way I wouldnt have to think so hard about anything. The only thing I would really have to think about would be who I would play with at recess. If I could only have one wish, it would be hard for me to choose. I wish so many things, and rarely any of them come true.

What Really Matters To Me:

getting out of this bumfuck town!
actually DOING something that matters
making an impact
doing something worthwhile.
and i cant do that because im just like any other girl from a damn small town, im always just chasing after the guy.
and i cant do that because im just like any other girl from a damn small town, im always just chasing after the guy. and im not any better about it now.

i want the fairy tale ending, knowing damn well im never gonna get it.
im never gonna get it because im not one of "those girls." im just the girl that's too damn smart for her own good. the girl that always wants what she cant have. and ive come to accept that. but it still hurts like hell when i dont get what i want. and besides, im damaged goods, most people dont go and buy the damaged goods. im the can of yams you find in the back of the cabinet that expired in 2003. nobody wants me, so i just get tossed to the wayside. im a can of yams that expired five years ago. i do look past whatever is wrong with me. every day. but when it's thrown back in my face, it's hard not to agree. especially when thats been done for a good 17 years.
its always been pointed out to me whats wrong with me
what i do wrong
what i say wrong.
anything.
thats why i dont know how to take complements. i never got them very often.this whole "youre friggin georgous" thing is so NEW to me. im not used to it.i just agree with the people over the years that have told me otherwise. every-friggin-body has done it! its been 17 years, britany, do you really think that im gonna remember who all told me i wasnt pretty? just let it be said that it has been alot of people. people who dont matter now, but what they said still does. because i know that they said it. and it bothers me because i never feel like im good enough. ever.

See my problem? it's a little worse than anyone thought. Remember when i said im probably gonna need serious therapy before i got out of highschool? ha, well, the time has come.

You Know You're Crazy When...

You fight with your friends because you cant possibly talk to the guy you like becuase the guy you like is a guy you just met.

Confused yet?
Ok, let's break it down.
I met this guy not too long ago. Aaaaaaaand I think i have a little thing for him. But the problem is...I just met the guy not too long ago.
Here's where the fighting comes in..
I've been fighting with a couple of my friends for three days now because I canNOT go talk to him. I mean, like, more than two sentences talk to him. I keep telling them that I cant do it, but they just keep giving me bogus excuses why i SHOULD.
Finally, one of my friends gives me an ultimatim.
"Fine, dont talk to him. If you dont, I will"
Like i want to hear that from my best friend. Of course, by the time she said that, i was already pissed off to no avail, so i just told her:
"Knowing you, youre just gonna go do it anyway, so whats the point in me even objecting?"

Am i in the wrong here? Am i being stubborn? For real, this is getting on my last nerve. i havent slept well in three days becuase ive been going to bed madder than a cat in a pool. Help me out a little?

I'm Friggin Terrified..

And people just don't seem to get it.
Do they not realize that this is ME that they are telling to do all of these impossible things?
I mean, c'mon.
I am the most shy person you will ever meet.
ever.
in your entire life.
everrrrrrrrr.
and they're friggin telling me to do something that i am not physically capable of doing!
I CANT go talk to him.
im terrified of what i might do
im terrified of what he might say
im terrified that im gonna end up getting hurt again.
and i dont want to go there again.
it didnt end well the last time.

I'm Freaking EXHAUSTED!!!

Wanna know why?
1)I've got a mountain of homework that is just too much to concentrate on all in one night.
2)One of my best friends tries to do something INCREASINGLY stupid. thank god he's okay!
3)my best friend finally friggin realized that she's in love with the boy! and now they date
4)one of my other best friends (i have several) got snubbed so that her boyfriend and his friends could go to hooters.

so its quite apparent that i dont have the emotional range of a teaspoon!

The Fundamental Difference Between Men and Women

Over the years, the differences between men and women have been slightly blurred around the edges. Men aren’t the only ones bringing him the bacon anymore, and women aren’t the only ones cooking it. Yes, there are the obvious differences, like anatomy, but what is really the difference? Personally, it’s the roles that each gender plays in society. Like I said, men aren’t the only ones in the workplace anymore. Women work just as hard at the same tasks men do, but they don’t receive the same credit for it. Men do the same things that women do, but they get the same, if not MORE credit than women do. Cooking, for example. Women slave over a hot stove all day for their husbands and kids and what do they get? A sink full of dirty dishes and complaints because something else wasn’t finished. Men do the same thing and what do they get? “Well done, honey! You go relax while I do the dishes and laundry.” Men have been treated this way throughout history! They need the pat on the back so that they don’t feel inferior and so that their ego isn’t hurt. We women don’t need it, but it would be nice to get it every once in a while! We women get no thanks for the hard work that we do. We finish one thing and have to rush off to do something else. Women in the workplace have to work twice as hard so that they can get less recognition than a man who does half the work. The old saying “behind every good man is a good woman” is BULL. Every man has a woman behind him doing his job for him while he goes out and takes all her credit. He just makes the appearances. Half the time, men don’t do SQUAT. They just sit there and enjoy the ride while women work their asses off for NO gain. It is disgusting how women’s status in society, while seemingly has improved, hasn’t really gone anywhere. Women are considered the weaker sex. In my opinion, we are the stronger sex and just aren’t given credit for all the crap we go through to make a man’s world run smoothly. We work twice as hard as any man does, we do eight times the work, and only get one-fourth of the credit that we really deserve. In a way, I guess, our position has improved, but there is still a long way to go before we are even close to equal. Men say we are equal because we hold the same kind of jobs as they do. The day men and women are equal is the day we get paid equally, we get recognized for our work equally, and the day we are truly equal in everything, not just the jobs we do will be the greatest day on earth.

This is a free write that i wrote. you can obviously tell what it's about.

You Can Tell...

When I'm having a bad month.
How?
By the number of blogs I post in that month.
July? Bad Month.
August? NONE.
November? SIX, So Far...
So Yeah, I've had a bit of a bad month so far. lol.

It's funny, tho. =]]

Simply Spineless.

ME?
Who'da Thunk!?
Here's why...
"i dont have a spine, so i'm always a damn pushover, and then when im not, i get freaking angry at myself, and then i feel horrible. and when i say exactly what i want to say to someone, i start to feel bad because i may have hurt their feelings, and i hate hurting people's feelings.im too nice to people, and its going to be the death of me."

So yeah. I'm too nice. I'm spineless. Not because I won't say what i think to people, but because I say it, and then I can't stand behind it because i feel bad for saying it. Simply Spineless.

How To Lose Friends and Alienate People with all the He Said She Said... Part Deux

He Said:
Well Glad you have toldme whats on your mind. I do apologies for what I put you threw even though I was oblivious of doing it. Your right I don't know you not anymore. Sorry for all I have done. But like I said I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. Not my worst enamy not anyone. Yes not even Hunter. Yea I was a little upset so possible the little school yard punk came out. The pain of having to sit in an oxygen chamber for two hours twice a day not able to move not able to breath well or anything is something that I hated doing and I'm glad I'm done with it. No you may wish things on people bt that changes once it actually happens to you. I'm sorry you feel like my life should be ruined. and if I hurt you I am really sorry. I just think Hunter steped a little over the limit if its true but your right I shouldn't base things off of what other people say. You shouldn't apologies for your thoughts and opinions. Respect is hrd to gain and easy to lose. so yea once again sorry for all I've done may have done and what I will do in the future.

She Said:
honestly dude,dont waste your breath.im sure it'll take the rest of forever for me to even consider forgiving you for what you did. i dont care how much you apologize, its not going to change anything.to be honest, im not even gonna think about talking to you or anything, you're really not worth it. like ive told a few other people, i really cant stand the sight of you anymore for what you did and the way you handled it. so please, no, scratch the please, just dont talk to me.i deserve better friends than what you have been.oh yeah, while im telling you things, i may as well say this:YOU'RE the reason i started smoking a while back.i felt like such crap because you didnt like ME, someone offered it to me, said it would make me feel better, and i took it.there.you know now.and im done.dont bother answering.i dont really want to hear it.

Personally, seeing as how I said it, I think it's justifiable.
Tell me what you think! =]]

I Am Woman, Hear Me...Bitch?

Haha. Okay, i know the title is somewhat original.
But i digres...
You know how most men say women can hold on to things forever, if they so chose?
well, it's true.
For Shizz.

thats all i had to say.
=]]

thanks bestest buddy. =]]]]]

How To Lose Friends and Alienate People with all the He Said She Said...

He Said:
Karma huh. I just wanted to let you know if you really said that than you really need a reality check. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I can get the images outta my head of the dog. I just wanted you to know that if you did say what I heard that you said. It is really childish that you would say somethg like this. And I'm righting to you. But I'm gonna kick Hunters ASS if he said what I heard that he said. Noone talks about my girl. So yea I WILL find out. And if I do I'm gonna rip him to pieces. He wants tomess with me well I will make him wish that he would have been bittin than talk behind MY back. I thought you where a better person than this. I hope I heard wrong. If not than, You've lost all respect. And Hunter WILL pay for what he said.

She Said (She being Me):
ok, you dont want people talking behind your back, then fine.i lost respect for you a LONG time ago.wanna know why?you said things about me, TO ME, that you KNEW werent true.you did things that no friend should doand honestly, i did say it.and i dont carebecause after what you did to me, i do think you deserved it.you dont even know what you did, do you?well, i'll enlighten you."you just keep saying "i cant stop i cant stop" YES YOU CAN. all you have to do is say i quit! hes stupid and not worth it! he doesnt deserve you! why would you LOWER yourself to that level! give up on him, hes a stupid jackass and just STOP before you get yourself hurt and end up like ME! im too damn scared to do anything! im scared because some jackass came along, i fell for him, i got hurt so bad that now i feel like im not good enough because he moved on to someone, who, because of the way he talks about her, is ten times better than i will ever be. do you know why? he said things that made me feel like that. he did things to make me think about myself as crap."there.i said it.and i feel better about it.i dont really think what i had in mind for karma was getting attacked by a dog.maybe just brittany doing the same thing to you that you did to me.the dog just came first.and if you want to know where that came from, its something i told britany when i was trying to stop her from chasing after matthew, because she was doing the exact same thing i did with you.and i didnt want her to fall into the same damn trap i didbecause it took me somewhere i never want to go ever again.ever.if you never talk to me again, its whatever. at least you know now what you did, and i hope you think about it, and it bothers you for the rest of your life.honestly, i dont know how you found out, nor do i care.im not so childish as to think "ohhh, i'll get them if its the last thing that i do"think about it, we're almost adults, and i think we should handle things as such. im not going to apologize for what ive said in the past, or what ive said now. its what i think, brutally honestly, and im tired of being told to apologize for my opinions. as to what hunter may have said, i dont know what you heard. nor do i care, but instead of jumping to conclusions about what you heard from somebody, i would go ask him about it in a civilized manner. like i said, i dont know what you heard, and in no way am i defending him (he honestly gets on my nerves...), but im just saying that you shouldnt be like "oh, im gonna kick his ass" just because of something you heard. its not exactly good to do. i mean honestly, do you hear how stupid you sound? "But I'm gonna kick Hunters ASS if he said what I heard that he said. Noone talks about my girl. So yea I WILL find out. And if I do I'm gonna rip him to pieces. He wants tomess with me well I will make him wish that he would have been bittin than talk behind MY back." you may think you sound all big and bad, but you honestly dont. you sound like a twelve year old. not even twelve. more like nine. you sound like a nine year old little boy in the school yard.you say "I thought you where a better person than this." honestly, you dont know me at all.you proved that you didnt know me when you said the things you did about me. i know it was a long time ago, but you must remember, im a woman, i can hold on to things forever, and use them against you at any given moment.But I digress...for you to even say you know me at all is such an insult. you may think you know me, but you dont have a clue. i honestly think that it would be better for both of us to not even speak to each other anymore, seeing as how we obviously dont have respect for each other anymore.when you think you want to be friends again, come find me.

What the Heck?

I feel helpless.
one of my best friends is going through something, and i dont know how to help her. i hate not being able to help someone, and this is, like, the extreme! she loves one guy, she likes the another. to me, they are both REALLY annoying, but anyway...
she dated the first one (Here comes Bob again... same guy... different heart to break...) a WHILE ago. but he was a butt head and broke up with her...
stupid bob. i should have beat him up.
anyway.
and then there is george. completely new guy. she dated him twice, both times not for very long.
the problem is...
shes still in love with Bob, but she really likes George, but George has pretty much confessed his undying love for her.
crazy, right?
i thought so too. this has been going on for about, oh.. say.. three days now. and i just feel like such a bad friend because i dont even know what to tell her to do. i dont know how to help.
and it doesnt help that I used to like Bob. yeah, i gave up on Bob. he's a heart-breaking jackass, who really doesnt deserve my friend because he's such a douche. she deserves alot better, and i really think that George is offering something more like what she deserves. (of course, i still think george is annoying. but thats not my place.)

=[

what
the
hell.
i sure know how to pick them, dont i?
as soon as i start to actually fall for someone, i find out that they like somebody else and that i dont have a snowball's chance in hell with them. then i get all depressed and i start feeling like crap again. it sucks. every person i have fallen for has just turned me down in one way or another, and do you know what i do? I COME BACK FOR MORE. i let myself get this way, and then i pay for it in the end. i cant take no for an answer once, but i can do it more than once. i just dont know when to quit. i cannot and will not take no for an answer. and that mentality keeps getting me hurt.
my friends keep telling me that you'll find the right person, you'll find the right person, and all this bullshit. no i wont. i probably already HAVE found the right person, but its never gonna happen, because when we dated, i got scared and chickened out on him. since then its been all down hill from there. i just keep falling for jerk after jerk after jerk and im sick of it. but i just cant stop. i keep picking assholes, and its probably never gonna stop. the only one that wasnt an asshole probably thinks i am because i chickened out and got scared for no damn reason! what is my goddamn problem?

Teachers are Freaking Stupid!

How about, as i was driving to school today, there was a teacher barely a foot from my back bumper. i was like "GET OFF MY ASS, BUTTFACE!!!" i didnt know it was a teacher until i pulled into the student parking lot and they passed me.
jerk!

Dontcha Hate It When...

People tell you that you can't say certain things? i mean, be honest with yourself. have you ever gotten so mad at someone telling you that you couldnt say something because you were too young or because people wouldnt like it?
that happened to me recently. something happened at my school, several somethings actually, and i got really fed up with it. so, i decided to write a letter addressed to the school board in my county. but, apparently, even though i am a student, the board wont listen to me. so, i decided to write a letter and have my dad sign it.
THAT blew up in my face. i gave it to him to sign, and he starts reading it. that was fine with me, b/c he's not stupid, he wants to read what it is he's signing.
when he gets done, he says to me "im not going to sign this because I dont agree with everything that is being said in it."
that just set me off.
i am so sick and tired of people telling me "no."
that i cant
because im too young
or because its not socially acceptable.
im sick of it.
so here's what i said (to myself)
"i am so sick and tired of this. im too thru. i am tired of being told that i cant.
i can, dammit. and i will.
i will say what i need and want to say when i want to say it.
no one is gonna stop me anymore!
im sick of all of this crap about you cant say what you want because youre too young or because its not socially acceptable.
if they dont like what im saying, they need to grow a pair and learn to listen to everyone's opinion."
if you agree,
just tell me to keep on preachin'...
Peace!
-KayTay

Help Me?

I feel like crying.
I'm so confused.
Here's the problem: I like this guy. Let's call him Bob. Well, Bob and one of my best friends used to date. They broke up, but my best friend still likes Bob. Alot. Aaaaaaaaand, I dont know how to tell her that now I think I like him.
What do i do????

Signs You're Going Crazyyyy

Oh Dear Jeebus.
I'm officially going insane. Either that, or i'm freaking bipolar and just havent been told yet. i swear. i was just looking thru some stuff on myspace, and i saw something and i got all mad, and i had to tell myself "thats a stupid thing to get mad about" but then i told myself again"no its not! i have every damn reason to get mad" and so on, and so forth.
that is pretty much how three trains of thought have gone over the past two days.
so a while back, i was really mad at one of my best friends. i mean, livid. and over what?
idk!
so i decided, Katie, you're acting like you are back in 2nd grade and the teacher just told you that you had to go sit in the corner, so now you hate her/him." (ive never heard of a male second grade teacher, though. but lets not be discriminating about gender!) so i (to use an old cliche) "built a bridge and got over it". then i saw something, and i got mad again, just like a little kid getting mad at a teacher for discplining them. and im thinking, dear god! what the heck is going on in my brain? am i not over it? have i not forgotten about it and moved on? am i still having feelings for a person that i know are gonna lead me somewhere i never want to go again? i hope to god not, because i have already had a tough enough time with it, and i NEVER want to do that again. ever. you couldnt pay me enough to go there again.
its not the first time that i've realized that i am truely the epitomy of the word "bitch". i just fail to say it to myself, and fail even more so in trying to change it. on the outside, i may seem like the nicest person you will ever even come across in your life. but on the inside, i could care less if your mother was laying in a hospital bed dying of pancratic cancer (it does exist), i would still crack the MEANEST momma joke you would ever hear without a single thought as to what i just said about your dying momma. i mean, i would rip you to shreds even if i knew that your parents are going thru a god awful divorce at the time.
and trust me, the person i'm talking about, probably knows this by now.
and, it seems, they dont care.
they can still call me one of their closest friends, even though i have cussed him out, yelled at him, wanted him to feel like shit, and god knows what else, even after i said some of the things i've said to him (because ive said some mean stuff!), he still calls me his friend.
and no, i aint talkin about jesus. he would do that, but im not talking about him because i havent cussed him out. lol.
honestly, i dont think i DESERVE to be called his friend after the bitch ive been to him. i dont deserve it one bit. if i were him, i would NEVER be friends with me. especially if i was the bitch to myself that i have been to him in the past. you know what?
i think i want to take the time to apologize. even after i've said the things ive said to you, you are still willing to call me one of your closest friends. that is something i dont think i deserve. you've beent thru some crap, dude, especially with me, from me, however you want to look at it. and i feel horrible for saying things ive said in the past. and recently, but you dont know about that. i would say just smile and nod your head in agreement that ive been a bit of a huge-mongous bitch lately and before. i shouldnt be like that. its just not nice. to sound a little second gradish again. but yeah, you deserve a lot better friends than who i've been, but you choose to put up with my bullshit anyway. you're awesome, and you should know that. you had better be pretty damn tolerant too, to put up with me for almost four years now. we've been thru some crap, and i thought that after what happened between us, we would probably never be friends again. i dont know how you can stand to put up with me sometimes, its crazy. i dont always have the best head on my shoulders, and even when i do, i dont even think to use it. if i could take back anything, it would be how horrible of a friend i've been to you over the past three or four years. i shouldnt have been that way, and im so sorry for it.

Keep your Friends Close, Keep your Enemies Closer

I have noticed alot of things lately. and a majority of these things are about myself. i have noticed that ever since something abruptly ended a while back, i havent been much of the same person. in a way, i have bettered myself from that, but in most ways, i was very confused. i knew that what i had done would be good for me in the long run, but at the time, i was greatly saddened. it took me forever, it seemed, to finally get what i wanted, and once i had it, it wasnt all i thought it would be. im not saying that i was unhappy, because i was the happiest person alive. and for all you perverts that may be reading this going "oh my god, what did katie do!?" i will go ahead and answer that now: NOTHING. i didnt do a damn thing, so dont go around saying "omfg katie has gone and done something!" because i havent, you pervert. now that that has been said... where was i?oh yes.i was the happiest person alive. until things started happening, and i wasnt very happy with them. i ignored it for a while, but finally, i could ignore it no longer, and when i said something about it, it blew up in my face, caused me much grief, and so i had to get rid of the thing that was causing me grief, which in this case pretty much meant getting rid of my best friend. or someone who i thought was my best friend.for the longest time, i thought that, and still sometimes do think that i should not have done what i did. it made me miserable thinking that i had gone and ruined something good, again. i cried for days afterwards, and every now and then, i still do.recently, though, i read a book. the main character went through a similar difficulty to what i was going through at the time when i read it. it wasnt completely the same, but the emotions that the character was feeling in the book were almost identical to the things that i was feeling at the time. it’s crazy how sometimes a simple book can teach you so many things, and give you the answers to things that are going on in your life at the time that you read them. this book taught me that it is okay to forget about the past and to let go of everything that is hurting you. yes, it helped to shape who you are, but it is alright to let it go. you dont have to keep beating yourself up for things that have happened in the past. that is something that i never thought that i could do.one of the other characters in this book says to the main character "it doesnt need to be like this. it doesnt have to be either/or. it must be possible to be friends..." that quote, when i read it, had no value at first. i wasnt really thinking about the book at the time, it was just a good read. but when i went back and really thought about it, i realized that it was exactly what i needed to hear. i, apparently, needed someone or something to tell me that things dont need to be the way that i was handling them. things didnt need to be "either.or" it could be both or neither. or anything, for that matter. that we could just be friends if i could just let go. but that was never something i had taught myself to do. i always keep bringing back old memories and other things that i have always done wrong in my life, and i focus on those things so that i will never do them again. but i always end up repeating past mistakes. if i could just learn to let go, i could probably be a much better person. i wouldnt always feel like i am down right miserable.throughout the short course of my sixteen year old life, i have come into contact with several people. many of them were just passing aquaintances, few were ever really close friends. i am glad to say that i have found a small group of people that i know that i can turn to at any given time and be able to tell them anything and at the very least, have a shoulder to cry on. at the most, a person who can help me through any problem with ease and have a strong support behind me through everything i do. without them, i dont know what i would do with myself. thankfully, all of them would be there for me, no matter what. one of them has been there for me since the day i was born, i just never took advantage of that. i always shyed away from her help, even though i now know that i should have used it. i just always thought she would make fun of me or not understand. thankfully, though, i have realized that her help, as well as the help of a few others, could be the best kind of help that i ever needed. i guess thats what sisters are for! as well as best friends. not just the ones that are friends with you for the image. those are the fake ones and you need to get away from them because they will drag you down. they are no help to you because they dont really care for you. the ones im talking about are the ones that have seen you at your very best and your very worst. the ones that are there for you when you think that you have hit rock bottom. the ones that if they see you crying go "who i gotta beat down?" because they really care for you.when you find those, cherish them. dont ever let go of them, because friends like that are hard to find. and once you do find them, hold on tight.

now i think ive made my peace with myself.
who knows.
until next time,
but right now, im gonna sit back, in boredom, with a glass of grape kool-aid.
Peace,
Kaytay

People are STUPID.

ya know, i love it how people expect you to act like everything is okay when it really isnt.and incase you didnt notice, THAT was sarcasm. if i knew why people expected other people to do that when something is going on on the D.L., i would be a very rich person right now. but honestly, im not rich, so i apparently DONT know why people expect other people to act like there is nothing going on whatsoever.it baffles me. i especially hate it when the thing that is going on is something that would be really hard to hide sooner or later.and its also sort of in the process of ripping your family apart at the seams.okay, so maybe my problems arent ripping my family apart, but they are causing alot of yelling that i am sick of hearing. its nothing that i have done, but i'm still sick of being the innocent bystander that has to listen to the carnage. it's like watching a car wreck in process. a really gnarly car wreck. its not something you want to watch and then have to hold it inside and be like "car wreck? what car wreck? i dont know what youre talking about". it will drive you insane. some days you will forget about it, until you hear about it again, then it comes back and makes you have a bad day. its something you want to forget about, and for a while you manage to, but then something happens and the whole issue gets ripped wide open again, it causes some kind of disturbance, and you have to stand by and listen to it while its going on inside the house that you are living in, and you get so upset by it that you start crying for no apparent reason, and when you catch yourself crying, you realize that you are doing it and then you start crying harder because you realize that you were crying for reasons that arent yours in the first place, and it just leads to a whole snowball effect type of bad day. on those days, it could be the littlest thing that sets you off, and then you take it out on the people that you really care about, and it just gets so out of hand that someone finally realizes that something is going on but they dont want to ask you about it for fear of setting you off again, and then there is this void between you and the people you care about and it all has to do with these problems that arent even yours but they became yours when you found out what the heck was going on in your family in the first place and you were asked not to say anything. and then when people outside of your family start finding out about the problem and start asking you about it, you have to act like nothing is going on, and act like you dont know and that what the person is saying to you is news to you too, and it all just comes back around to the thing that upset you in the first place. and then you get mad because you are lying to your friends about something and that is something you swore not to do anymore, but you have to because you have to keep some stupid family secret and it rips your brain APART.
*takes a deep breath*
okay.
im good now.
i hope.
and now, its time to sit back, in boredom, with a glass of grape kool-aid.
peace out
KayTay

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

As most of you know by now, the actor Heath Ledger is dead. yes, he really is dead. no, i am not just making this up, he is really, bonafide, D-E-A-D, dead. If you didnt know, then
A) you are really slow
or
B) you dont watch/read the news.

I'm not going to go into details because i am too lazy.
Death, as we all know, is pretty tragic. celebrity death is even worse. only because everybody knows celebrities and they really dont want to see them die so suddenly. but honestly? when a celeb dies, it is WAY to over-publicized. frankly, within a fifiteen minute span in looking thru recent news stories, a grand total of EIGHTEEN news stories somehow related to Heath. frankly, that is sick.
Here's what i think. Yes, he is dead, whatever his reasons may have been, they were his own. whatever his means may have been (meaning how it happend, if he did it himself, or whatever) is his own business, in life or in death. the way his family greives for him, that is their business, i really dont think that that should be world news! "Oh my gosh, my son/brother/nephew/whatever died. he was an actor. i think this is what he would have wanted for his funeral." i really DONT think that any family, whether of someone famous or not, would want that in some newspaper. or on the internet. or in EIGHTEEN friggin news stories.
this is just like when Anna Nicole Smith died. they made a story out of her death, a story out of the autopsy results coming out, a story about a comment made in the autopsy about her anus being "unremarkable". its like dude, i really dont want to know what the ME said about her ANUS, frankly. i just dont want to know that. and now, however long ago she died, they are still making freaking references to her death, and her autopsy, and her unremakable anus. hey news people, ever heard the phrase "let sleeping dogs lie"? well, do the same after a certain period with dead celebs, as well. if they have been dead a while, DONT keep talking about them. its only nice.
and now, after all of that, its time to sit back, in boredom, with a glass of grape kool-aid.
peace out
KayTay