I Wish...

Life were like a book. That you could read things and take them at face value. I wish that things were just straight forward. I wish that I wouldn't have to think about things. I wish life were simple. I wish I were a little kid again. That way I wouldnt have to think so hard about anything. The only thing I would really have to think about would be who I would play with at recess. If I could only have one wish, it would be hard for me to choose. I wish so many things, and rarely any of them come true.

What Really Matters To Me:

getting out of this bumfuck town!
actually DOING something that matters
making an impact
doing something worthwhile.
and i cant do that because im just like any other girl from a damn small town, im always just chasing after the guy.
and i cant do that because im just like any other girl from a damn small town, im always just chasing after the guy. and im not any better about it now.

i want the fairy tale ending, knowing damn well im never gonna get it.
im never gonna get it because im not one of "those girls." im just the girl that's too damn smart for her own good. the girl that always wants what she cant have. and ive come to accept that. but it still hurts like hell when i dont get what i want. and besides, im damaged goods, most people dont go and buy the damaged goods. im the can of yams you find in the back of the cabinet that expired in 2003. nobody wants me, so i just get tossed to the wayside. im a can of yams that expired five years ago. i do look past whatever is wrong with me. every day. but when it's thrown back in my face, it's hard not to agree. especially when thats been done for a good 17 years.
its always been pointed out to me whats wrong with me
what i do wrong
what i say wrong.
anything.
thats why i dont know how to take complements. i never got them very often.this whole "youre friggin georgous" thing is so NEW to me. im not used to it.i just agree with the people over the years that have told me otherwise. every-friggin-body has done it! its been 17 years, britany, do you really think that im gonna remember who all told me i wasnt pretty? just let it be said that it has been alot of people. people who dont matter now, but what they said still does. because i know that they said it. and it bothers me because i never feel like im good enough. ever.

See my problem? it's a little worse than anyone thought. Remember when i said im probably gonna need serious therapy before i got out of highschool? ha, well, the time has come.

You Know You're Crazy When...

You fight with your friends because you cant possibly talk to the guy you like becuase the guy you like is a guy you just met.

Confused yet?
Ok, let's break it down.
I met this guy not too long ago. Aaaaaaaand I think i have a little thing for him. But the problem is...I just met the guy not too long ago.
Here's where the fighting comes in..
I've been fighting with a couple of my friends for three days now because I canNOT go talk to him. I mean, like, more than two sentences talk to him. I keep telling them that I cant do it, but they just keep giving me bogus excuses why i SHOULD.
Finally, one of my friends gives me an ultimatim.
"Fine, dont talk to him. If you dont, I will"
Like i want to hear that from my best friend. Of course, by the time she said that, i was already pissed off to no avail, so i just told her:
"Knowing you, youre just gonna go do it anyway, so whats the point in me even objecting?"

Am i in the wrong here? Am i being stubborn? For real, this is getting on my last nerve. i havent slept well in three days becuase ive been going to bed madder than a cat in a pool. Help me out a little?

I'm Friggin Terrified..

And people just don't seem to get it.
Do they not realize that this is ME that they are telling to do all of these impossible things?
I mean, c'mon.
I am the most shy person you will ever meet.
ever.
in your entire life.
everrrrrrrrr.
and they're friggin telling me to do something that i am not physically capable of doing!
I CANT go talk to him.
im terrified of what i might do
im terrified of what he might say
im terrified that im gonna end up getting hurt again.
and i dont want to go there again.
it didnt end well the last time.

I'm Freaking EXHAUSTED!!!

Wanna know why?
1)I've got a mountain of homework that is just too much to concentrate on all in one night.
2)One of my best friends tries to do something INCREASINGLY stupid. thank god he's okay!
3)my best friend finally friggin realized that she's in love with the boy! and now they date
4)one of my other best friends (i have several) got snubbed so that her boyfriend and his friends could go to hooters.

so its quite apparent that i dont have the emotional range of a teaspoon!

The Fundamental Difference Between Men and Women

Over the years, the differences between men and women have been slightly blurred around the edges. Men aren’t the only ones bringing him the bacon anymore, and women aren’t the only ones cooking it. Yes, there are the obvious differences, like anatomy, but what is really the difference? Personally, it’s the roles that each gender plays in society. Like I said, men aren’t the only ones in the workplace anymore. Women work just as hard at the same tasks men do, but they don’t receive the same credit for it. Men do the same things that women do, but they get the same, if not MORE credit than women do. Cooking, for example. Women slave over a hot stove all day for their husbands and kids and what do they get? A sink full of dirty dishes and complaints because something else wasn’t finished. Men do the same thing and what do they get? “Well done, honey! You go relax while I do the dishes and laundry.” Men have been treated this way throughout history! They need the pat on the back so that they don’t feel inferior and so that their ego isn’t hurt. We women don’t need it, but it would be nice to get it every once in a while! We women get no thanks for the hard work that we do. We finish one thing and have to rush off to do something else. Women in the workplace have to work twice as hard so that they can get less recognition than a man who does half the work. The old saying “behind every good man is a good woman” is BULL. Every man has a woman behind him doing his job for him while he goes out and takes all her credit. He just makes the appearances. Half the time, men don’t do SQUAT. They just sit there and enjoy the ride while women work their asses off for NO gain. It is disgusting how women’s status in society, while seemingly has improved, hasn’t really gone anywhere. Women are considered the weaker sex. In my opinion, we are the stronger sex and just aren’t given credit for all the crap we go through to make a man’s world run smoothly. We work twice as hard as any man does, we do eight times the work, and only get one-fourth of the credit that we really deserve. In a way, I guess, our position has improved, but there is still a long way to go before we are even close to equal. Men say we are equal because we hold the same kind of jobs as they do. The day men and women are equal is the day we get paid equally, we get recognized for our work equally, and the day we are truly equal in everything, not just the jobs we do will be the greatest day on earth.

This is a free write that i wrote. you can obviously tell what it's about.