Signs You're Going Crazyyyy

Oh Dear Jeebus.
I'm officially going insane. Either that, or i'm freaking bipolar and just havent been told yet. i swear. i was just looking thru some stuff on myspace, and i saw something and i got all mad, and i had to tell myself "thats a stupid thing to get mad about" but then i told myself again"no its not! i have every damn reason to get mad" and so on, and so forth.
that is pretty much how three trains of thought have gone over the past two days.
so a while back, i was really mad at one of my best friends. i mean, livid. and over what?
idk!
so i decided, Katie, you're acting like you are back in 2nd grade and the teacher just told you that you had to go sit in the corner, so now you hate her/him." (ive never heard of a male second grade teacher, though. but lets not be discriminating about gender!) so i (to use an old cliche) "built a bridge and got over it". then i saw something, and i got mad again, just like a little kid getting mad at a teacher for discplining them. and im thinking, dear god! what the heck is going on in my brain? am i not over it? have i not forgotten about it and moved on? am i still having feelings for a person that i know are gonna lead me somewhere i never want to go again? i hope to god not, because i have already had a tough enough time with it, and i NEVER want to do that again. ever. you couldnt pay me enough to go there again.
its not the first time that i've realized that i am truely the epitomy of the word "bitch". i just fail to say it to myself, and fail even more so in trying to change it. on the outside, i may seem like the nicest person you will ever even come across in your life. but on the inside, i could care less if your mother was laying in a hospital bed dying of pancratic cancer (it does exist), i would still crack the MEANEST momma joke you would ever hear without a single thought as to what i just said about your dying momma. i mean, i would rip you to shreds even if i knew that your parents are going thru a god awful divorce at the time.
and trust me, the person i'm talking about, probably knows this by now.
and, it seems, they dont care.
they can still call me one of their closest friends, even though i have cussed him out, yelled at him, wanted him to feel like shit, and god knows what else, even after i said some of the things i've said to him (because ive said some mean stuff!), he still calls me his friend.
and no, i aint talkin about jesus. he would do that, but im not talking about him because i havent cussed him out. lol.
honestly, i dont think i DESERVE to be called his friend after the bitch ive been to him. i dont deserve it one bit. if i were him, i would NEVER be friends with me. especially if i was the bitch to myself that i have been to him in the past. you know what?
i think i want to take the time to apologize. even after i've said the things ive said to you, you are still willing to call me one of your closest friends. that is something i dont think i deserve. you've beent thru some crap, dude, especially with me, from me, however you want to look at it. and i feel horrible for saying things ive said in the past. and recently, but you dont know about that. i would say just smile and nod your head in agreement that ive been a bit of a huge-mongous bitch lately and before. i shouldnt be like that. its just not nice. to sound a little second gradish again. but yeah, you deserve a lot better friends than who i've been, but you choose to put up with my bullshit anyway. you're awesome, and you should know that. you had better be pretty damn tolerant too, to put up with me for almost four years now. we've been thru some crap, and i thought that after what happened between us, we would probably never be friends again. i dont know how you can stand to put up with me sometimes, its crazy. i dont always have the best head on my shoulders, and even when i do, i dont even think to use it. if i could take back anything, it would be how horrible of a friend i've been to you over the past three or four years. i shouldnt have been that way, and im so sorry for it.